The hype surrounding Christopher Nolan’s Dunkirk is hard to escape. Review after review is praising it as a phenomenal achievement and I, being a big fan of blood, guts and dead Nazis, bought into the buzz.

But this is nothing if not an honest review site and I’m afraid it just didn’t do it for me. Dunkirk just doesn’t have enough dead Nazis for my liking (were there any Nazis at all? I can’t remember seeing any) and next to no characters that I could care about.

Sure, it looks pretty and Nolan must take credit for that, especially with there being apparently no CGI anywhere in sight. But it doesn’t paint a picture of the chaos of WWII in the way that Saving Private Ryan did.

A handful of planes fly around over a sea with a light sprinkling of boats, while queues of patient soldiers stand on a miserable beach and wait for a ride home. That’s about it in terms of storyline and I need more than that to get invested.

Dunkirk does have some moments of real tension. Soldiers trapped in an under-fire fishing trawler and some nifty air battle scenes are pretty cool, but the action just doesn’t live up to the promise hinted at in these brief seconds.

Reading the hype, I’d convinced myself this a film that had to be seen on the big screen. But I wish I’d waited for it to get an airing on TV in a few years’ time instead. A decent enough way to pass a few hours, but not at cinema prices.

Imma bust out my DVD copy of Black Hawk Down and get my violence fix the old-fashioned way.

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